the 21 days...

before 2013 even started, I knew there was gonna be some soul searching going on.
I was becoming someone I've never been.
Mad at the universe.
Afraid of the future.
Frustrated with the cards I'd been dealt.

I decided to do a fast and search.
{you can read a few days here and here}

Several of the days were not posted because of their depth and I wanted to find a secret space in my heart to hide my revelations. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want them to be known. I wanted them next to my dreams.

I'm writing today from a different place. A place who's journey isn't over just because the fast is over. A place who is still trying to listen.

the 21 days taught me:

  To rest.

 To trust.

 To love.

 He wants to bless me.

 Little by little, He will transform my weaknesses into strengths. 

I've received so many emails and texts of love and prayers. Thank you. Your words are with me. Your words encourage me. 

Life isn't all peachy roses these days. But the sun is shining and it is a beautiful morning. The grass is turning from wintery grey to bright green. The air feels fresh on my face. 

...plans not to harm you, plans to give you hope..

....come rest in ME, I am gentle...

find rest in your soul...

Be strong and courageous...

..walk by faith, not by sight...

xoxo,

leah

p.s. i'm excited about tomorrow's post HIGH FIVE FRIDAY FAVORITES!

{21 days: day 16}

I have to tell ya, I've really enjoyed this exploring, desensitizing, weaning from dependencies, time alone. I enjoy my mornings with a prayer and quietness. I know this is when my God speaks to me.

How does God speak to you? 

I read this in Jesus Calling by Sarah Young: (if you don't have this book or app, you NEED it)
your security rests in Me alone-not in other people, not in circumstances. 
Wowza! You say. I know.

If I could make this my mantra everyday, life would be _____________. 

The thing that I'm learning is that this IS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR MANTRA EVERYDAY!

People don't determine your security. My circumstances don't determine my security. You see, the reason I started this fast was to listen. Listen to the answers of: What is God teaching me through our miscarriages? Why now? Why not teach me in a less "blow to the heart" sort of way? I am fearful of the future because of my past...How can I let go of fear when the past has hurt so bad? 

Because I wouldn't listen if it were less of a blow..

So now that He's gotten my attention. He's teaching me that I am not in control. My circumstances should not make me fearful of walking the tightrope with Jesus. He has everlasting arms. 

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.

Deuteronomy 33:27

I have a dear friend who I had lunch with yesterday and I was able to talk about all that I am learning. She said,"Leah, you need to know that having children is a process of realizing you are 100% out of control. Only God can create a person, breathe into it life..and in the end redeem it from the world! Let God teach you these things and trust Him enough to believe that He loves YOU enough for this all to be worth it when you are holding your sweet baby in your arms.."

You wish you had a friend with wisdom like that, huh? She is pretty amazing. 

Thank you for stopping by to Her Sea of Love to check out what's been goin on. I had a great weekend that included a puppy, Waylon's 3rd birthday, grassy fields, and Valentine decorations. 

xoxo,

Leah

{21 days: day 8}

Good morning friends!

I'm sipping on some decaf Almond Joy coffee thinking of you. 

Today I prayed for my friends and family that you would get to

experience God in a whole new way in 2013. I prayed for protection around families 

that I love and admire. I prayed that my thoughts would be a continuous dialogue with God so that I can speak, He can speak, I can listen. 

You see, the reason I chose this 21 day challenge is so that I could really listen. 

There is so much busyness all around that the words of God can be faintly heard. I am choosing to 

be still and listen.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for giving me this quiet time in the morning to read and pray and LISTEN. Listen to the rain and stillness that is in my very own kitchen table. Even in my kitchen, you come to meet me. Day after day after day. Thank you for always showing up in the form of birds chirping or rain falling. Thank you for your protection around my family. Give me strength to continue with no caffeine or carbonation, no red meat, no social media. I pray for your protection as I drive for several hours for work. Talk to you soon!

xoxo,

Leah

{21 days: 3&4}

Aren't you wondering how I'm doing with no coffee?? 

It is HARD! I've got headaches everyday and I'm holding my eyelids open by 3:30 pm. 

This is by far the hardest thing for me to give up! 

Have you ever given up coffee? Tell me about it! 

I don't miss Facebook much. It definitely gives me something to do when I'm waiting for an appt., but I just try and strike up a conversation with people or daydream. It's a nice change! 

Day 3 & 4 are combined because of the hustle and bustle the first day of school brings...I was at work late, met my parents for dinner and wanted to spend the last hours of the day talking with D. I am ok with skipping a day for family time :-)

I hope you listened to It is Well With My Soul yesterday. I love the story behind the author. It is a constant reminder for me to be O.K. with the lemons life throws at you. 

Today I prayed about the desires of my heart. What are the desires of my heart? 

To set my heart to be a studier, a learner. Memorize verses.

To set my heart to be a prayer. 

To set my heart to be giving and forgiving. 

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I want the desires of my heart to be full of you. Full of forgiveness, full of joy. I pray that the time spent away from social media, and spent talking with people face-to-face, those who see me, can see you. 

I pray that I have strength to continue studying your Word far past this 21 day challenge. Thank you for the life you've given me.

{21 days: day 2}

Father, reveal anything in my life that would hinder my ability to come into Your 

presence.   Help me see my propensity towards sin and help me change.  Help me to 

see my sin the way You see it.  Thank You for loving me in spite of my failures.  Thank You 

for helping me to change. 

Day 2 teaches me about restoration. RESTORE MY SOUL! My hinderance is faith. Faith and trusting that God has a perfect will. Not mine. 

Keep trusting, keep trusting, keep trusting. 

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

{21 days: day 1}

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. 

Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore 

to me the joy of my salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. 

Psalm 51: 10-12

For the next 21 days I am journaling about a prayer/fasting that I am participating in. I felt a need to come closer to a quiet time to really listen to what God is telling me. I've been too busy, too lazy, too hungry...to really be still and listen. I needed this to clear my mind and heart and let the worldly things fade away so I can see Jesus' face. 

Today I began by asking what were a few things in my life that were distracting.  I get really caught up in what others are doing and then start comparing what I don't have, and jealousy sinks in really quickly.

-no Facebook, social media (but keeping up with my own blog to journal)

-no caffeine or carbonated drinks

-no alcohol

-attend weekly prayer meetings

-no fried food, no red meat

This morning I sat with hot tea (decaf) and the study was just about showing up. Just show up and listen. Show up and pray. Prayers that started and stopped. Prayers that were just one word. 

I studied and prayed over 2 Corinthians 12:10.

...."for when I am weak, then I am strong."

Dear Heavenly Father,

My heart is heavy, heavy and aching for strength. I know that your grace is sufficient for me. Help me to find strength. Help me to find strength. Help me to stop and listen. Listen for your will for Duncan and I starting a family. It has been so sad and difficult for us, we are weak, but we know you are strong. I am fearful of the future.

Thank you day 1. Thank you for reassuring me that just showing up, just showing up to feel is enough. 

photo/run challege

Wanna try something with me?

One of my 2013 resolutions is to reach out to others. 

I'm combining this challenge with the love of getting outdoors and on the jogging trails that I love so much. 

Here's the challenge:

1. Run/walk at least a mile everyday until February 14th

2. Leave a note for a friend (or complete stranger!) encouraging them to reach their goals, love themselves, or to remind them of how beautiful they are. 

3. Take a picture of your random act of kindness, your running/walking path for the day and upload it to the link below!

I can't wait to see where your feet take you! Be good to your heart.
xoxo,
Leah



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